is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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