I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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