My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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