I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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