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Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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