you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Couch. On fire.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
