Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize