it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
