Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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