Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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