So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
