sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
