dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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