We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
