if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
