Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
