OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
