remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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