Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize