i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
sarcasm needs its own font
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
