just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
