I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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