Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
