can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
