You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize