living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
