So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i think my cat just said my name.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
