Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize