Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
