could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Randomize
