Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
