I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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