he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
