Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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