Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
