wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
