Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
