It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
