All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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