I molested 6 butterflies tonight
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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