We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
