I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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