Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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