Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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