Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
