I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
