when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
