everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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