it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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