Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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