It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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