he wants to bone in the snuggie
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
