Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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