I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
