She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
