Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
