when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
