O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
