Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
