how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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