your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Randomize
