If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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