apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
