If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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