I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
