if you like me you must not know who I am
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
