Got a toothbrush?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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