the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
