Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
