Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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