I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
