eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
