the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
