it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
