Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
