I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
