I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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