smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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