So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
