toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
