Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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