does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
