I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I need to align my fucking chakras
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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