I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
