Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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