im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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