Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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