What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
