i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I would fuck him just for his dog
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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