You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
