dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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